I'll try to break it up with cuts.  It's been a long month.  On the 11th, I broke up with J.  Long story short, I got tired of not being treated right.

We had our talk, me, J and T.  I felt that things were finally turning.  Maybe we'd pull this off after all.  I was hesitantly hopeful.  It turns out that even hesitant hopes hurt when they get dashed.


( The breakup )



( A very slim chance )



( T isn't really the problem. )



( How I really feel. )

My birthday was, as I posted, wonderful.  However, you may recall that J wasn't feeling well.


( Sick :( )



( Relationship update )



( On Other Fronts... )

 

I turned 40 on Thursday.


( Happy Birthday To Me!  )



( Oooh! SHOPPING! )



( I hurt J :(  )



( Vee Progress Update )


And so, that's been my birthday.  I only celebrated it for 3 days this year.  I usually celebrate for a week, but what a packed 3 days, yes? :) 

So I spent about an hour making a giant post about my birthday and exciting things coming up soon... and then I went to look something up for a friend and accidentally changed to another web page... and then I didn't know I could hit refresh here and get the post back and ended up losing the entire thing!

ACK!!!  :( 

I'll make the post again later.  The adopted daughter's children are awake and "thinking time" is over for a little while.

But DANG IT!

This is somewhat a follow-up to my previous post and the edit I posted to it.  I apologize in advance to anyone with sensitivities to the subject matter.  I'll put everything under a cut with a warning that it's NSFW, NSFK (please be over 18), and a bit personal and even that the topic has been known to make people twitch and assume things about me and my self-esteem and such.  That said, read on if you dare.


( Read more... )

I didn't see J after I left his place last Monday morning.  I did talk to him briefly and managed to impress on him that I needed more contact.  We were going days without so much as a brief call.  He called me Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evening, very briefly, but it was a step in the right direction.


( Communication Fail #368 )


( Update on the update:  )

J and I spent the weekend together. 
( Read more... )

This week has been odd for me.  Knowing that T and I are both dating J and we're apparently going to give this poly thing another go is strange in some ways.  In some ways, it's a weird sort of relief.  Almost like everything is ok, and realistically, it seems ok right now.  T isn't having panic attacks, J is happier and more relaxed about everything.  Boundaries are being maintained.

( Details  )


So, it's not "good" at this point, but it's good enough.  We have a lot of distance to go for any of us to have it "good" again.  We've all been hurt and we're all a bit guarded about the situation right now.  I think we're all trying to do things differently this time, and we're all taking advantage of not living together so we have time and space for ourselves.  To expect that everything will be "good" right this minute isn't realistic.  I'll take good enough, and everyone putting in effort to find stable ground with one another again.

On that note, maybe I need to invite T to hang out this weekend at some point, or just to meet up with me once a week to have coffee or something.  I don't know that we'll get back to being "best friends" again, but we can at least work on being comfortable around one another and achieving some sort of companionable level of interaction.  I'm the more outgoing in that respect, so rather than wait for her, I'll drop the suggestion to her in the next few days and see what she says.

I have been reading posts by tacit (Franklin Veaux) for a long time now.  I tend to enjoy his posts.  They're clear, thought-provoking, and better still, I don't always agree with his views.  When I don't agree, I tend to think a lot on why I have the viewpoints that I do.  His views, when they don't match mine, are clearly stated enough to make me stop and pause and seriously consider my own position.  It doesn't mean that I'll change my position, but at least I get something to grind my head against that leads me to understand myself and others better.  To me, this is a Good Thing (tm).

Today though I was going through my friends page here and saw this post by him:  tacit.livejournal.com/249011.html

( My thoughts and responses )

Click on the link if you do.  Oh, and forum friends, there's something new at the end but I'll post it there once I stop laughing at the fact that life just goes where it damn well pleases sometimes.


( Unexpected twists! )


So help me though, once they left, all I could think was, "Dear gods, I can't make this shit up!"